"He brings up a good point..."

The following is a facebook note made by Mark Woodbury on 13 September, 2010:

More often than not, I check Facebook only to see who may have added me as a friend or something else fun. However, today I wanted to make a real difference: something worthwhile for everyone in the community. So, in order to do that, I went straight to the one place that, for most teens, makes a bigger difference in their lives than any parental figure or canonized scripture: The News Feed. What a source of knowledge?! Nothing can really compare to its broad-based audience and wealth of instant information. It is fair; it is balanced; it is powerful. When one reads the news feed, he or she can feel secure that all the facts are solid and accurate. He or she can also have the latest relationship scuttlebutt at his or her fingertips, not to mention the numberless posts praising the incredibly mediocre achievements of youth across the globe. Oh rapture! So, when a person really wants to do something meaningful with their life, the obvious plan of action starts and ends with Facebook.


What does it take to make these kinds of impacts? Simple things, really. Start out with a post a day; the more pointless and random, the better. Then, work up to more complicated posts; add some strange formatting schemes and cast off grammar and punctuation - it helps. Next, it is imperative that you connect to Facebook Mobile - after all, you never know when you might beat your high score on bubble spinner! Finally, and perhaps the most crucial of my points, if someone happens to lose a duck in Farmville, don't sit idly at your computer seat muttering, "I hope someone helps this poor soul." Do something! Charge the mound of life and say, "Hey broseph! I have a duck that might fit in your flying V!" This is only one example of cyber love, or as I like to call it, e-charity. If nothing else, that is my message today: post unto others as you would have them post unto you. Before you post, ask yourself, "Would anyone really care about how I added too much milk to the omlette I just made for lunch?" I think the answer to this question is obvious; post it, son.


So, whenever you feel like your life has lost its substance and vitality, just simply log onto the most real thing I know of besides World of Warcraft: The Facebook. Make your posts brave; your comments, meaningless; and your tags, innaccurate. And, until we meet again in the News Feed, keep up the good work!


Mark "The Lark" Woodbury


(Writer's Note: Keep in mind, this is all Horatian sattire. Don't be offended, I'm just as guilty of these things as any. Just have fun with it.)