Currently, the amount of problems I face as a College Student is inexcusable. Everywhere I look I find more competition and less opportunity. I find the task set to myself and to my fellow students is becoming quickly insurmountable. I lay the blame for this squarely where it belongs: on you!
Our Government at the moment only knows how to spend, and only how to spend on things that do not directly benefit the American people at large. College is more expensive than ever, jobs are down, and the economy is in major recession, and all the Congress in general has managed to do is to pass a health care bill?! A HEALTH CARE BILL!?! What are you all thinking?! Cut the spending, postpone the progression, and save our citizens!
I, myself, would greatly appreciate it.
Yours, Sincerely, with regards to your mother,
Jacob Bagley
This article made me laugh! However, I would recommend expounding on your ideas so you can be taken more seriously. A great start though.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comment that you should expound. Nothing can be done unless you elaborate on what you think should be changed.
ReplyDeleteI think it's really funny how you capitalized "College Student"! Also loved the signature. In all seriousness though (incase you were planning to email this as is), you should expound. Or if you want to keep going in the ticked off citizen persona, throw in some specific examples of why it's specifically the Senator's fault and not just all bureaucracy as a whole.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback, but I'm really not interested in expounding further! Senators don't have a lot of time to read things they already know, so in this instance it is better to give my opinion in a memorable fashion and then leave them either pondering or fiddling with the paper shredder.
ReplyDeleteHahah, way to be sarcastic (I hope!). Actually, I really like that idea: standing out by writing something so ridiculous it would give anyone pause. Did you really send this?
ReplyDeleteI think humor can be powerful, and you've definitely succeeded at being amusing.... the biggest risk is that it may not fit the decorum of the situation (see Writing and Rhetoric chapter 3).
ReplyDeleteThe key is to be funny while sounding informed. Senators know that there's plenty of people who dislike health care... so that's probably not going to make a difference. You say, "Cut the spending, postpone the progression, and save our citizens!" Great....harder done than said. Most people want to cut spending. How do you recommend it be done. What does "postpone the progression" mean? I'm lost there. And "save our citizens"--I'm not sure what they need saving from.
The tone here, while amusing, comes off almost as insulting--of the Senator's time and intelligence. Honestly, I don't think that it would make it past the Senator's secretary.
What I recommend doing is pulling back the humor a lot--don't insult the Senator's mother. It's not appropriate. Find some substance, some direct reasons and recommendations you can give your senator. Figure out what your Senator's stance is on them. Then find ways to incorporate humor that are funny and memorable, but work well with the argument you have made.
Anyone can be funny...but if that's what would help a Senator, he could just watch a late night show. Be funny while being useful, and show that you understand the issues you're talking about. Or that you're aware of your humor (for example, follow up "It's your fault" with, "I'm aware it's not actually you're fault, but there are some things that you could do").
Let me know if you have any questions!